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More gossip.  Little peck… little cheap cheap cheap.

It goes something like this… (let me know if you heard this before.)

“You are the problem. Your happiness is a problem. Your joy causes you to get punished. If you succeed even in its smallest measure, you have done something horribly horribly wrong. You hurt someone by being happy. You hurt people by passing the test, getting top grades, and being awarded. You hurt people by being healthy.”

>> Let that brew for a few minutes.<<

This message, over and over again.

To the point that praise delivered honestly from sincere strangers sends chills and panic through the nervous system. Bracing for the punishment to come.  Bracing to be forcibly shown my place again.

Repeating motifs in my life. 

Somehow I imagine my place is at the table with everyone else.

                                                  I really do try to bring good stuff when I’m invited! 

In my life … along my twisted road… I have encountered many people who have tried to show me my place, asserting I lack some quality to be deemed equal to them.  A few convinced me. Kept me trapped in their word cages and estimation depletions (gas) under veiled coercion (threats) Trapped in the constant proving ground.

 So I turn my eyes toward…    >>> me.  (ikr…it’s a surprise!! Who sees Introspection coming?)

Here is why:  I used to look toward them, trying to figure out WHY?

That is not the right question.  

I had to learn to change the sentence,”Why are they attacking me?” 

I had to cut the WHY.

“They are attacking me.” 

Not an inquiry.

A statement.

A fact.

Now I can act accordingly.

The why invites you into their world and rule sets.

In their world  >>there are only automatic reactions with preset options<<  like Puppet strings pulled (blame shift,) (jealousy,) (contempt,) (hatred,) (spite,) (vengeance,) (manipulation,) (violence.)  This is the range of their limited reactions.  

It’s all part of their world. It is the backdrop. They don’t even SEE IT, much less see it as a problem.  They operate using these RULES. 

It’s like Ruby Glasses that turn the world to hell.

In this rule set the opponent must (predictable behavior) after the catalyst;

 ie [Pull string thus puppet dances] or  [Yank chain thus dog barks.]

Rules of different games yield different goals and outcomes  

                                                 >>> different Rules make different Worlds.

Hint: I live in The World   >> where that doesn’t work anymore. 

Those rules do not apply.

None of those tactics are used in my game. That person would have to replace each of those words with its polar opposite… to even be invited to my table. 

I do not play that

 … and no one will ever make me.

Introspection:

What lined me up for this?  

Which red flags did I ignore?

What did my intuition tell me at the time?  

What was MY rationalization to let it slide/slide/slide again?

Why am I not taking better care of myself?

If wondering, Where did I get this…?  It’s one of Marsha’s Dialectical Tricks WDEP.

https://www.linehaninstitute.org/

Looks like I improvised a few more steps…

I found the tone and inquiry line that moved me away from bad choices.

It stems from stoicism and Socratic methods.

I face my line of INQUIRY toward SELF.  Before I Bark.

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Repeating motifs in my life. 

Mistaken Identity. 

Cats don’t bark.  

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