Something happened to me when I was a child. 

Like all the injuries, I just try to live through it.

The worst part wasn’t what happened. 

It was the system and methods that kept it SILENT.

I have been calling it the “toxic family system,” (that’s not original to me.) It’s pretty common jargon around #psychology, #mental health, #CPTSD, #recovery, #boundaries, Channels.

Long List of heroes (links) coming.

I have been channeling (play on words) on Youtube.  

Watching every channel I can find hosting these topics for over a decade. Tune-In / Turn-On.

Mistaken Identity:

I wasn’t depressed.

I was studying with these Masters.

These healers and sages post at their own pace. 

I plugged them into my day, every day.. I  filled in the schedule (structure) 

The schedule that I left, >>>> when I graduated from the 3 year recovery program.

Couple options, go towards Peer Specialist in VA, or NAMI( https://www.nami.org/ ) at that time, the Mental Health Council was meeting bi-monthly. I had a couple irl ttrpg and vtt rpg…

The Quest-ion at crossroads is … Which Path leads me closer to where I want to go? Good place… or Bad Place… ?

(I don’t do well unmoored, adrift, no direction, in the big ambiguous nothing that is Waiting, Doubt, Ineffectiveness, Dysfunction….

Trapped in F.O.G.)

Having a Destination helps you to >get >to >it.

Ikr… sometimes “wisdom” is so obvious. How about this one:

My life functions better if I function better.

It’s that introspection thing…

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Make a rough timeline and start charting the moments of dis-function. More often than not dis-function happens right after trauma events.

Life thrown of track..

outta whack.

Patterns emerge.

In a funk after every phone call with ______

In your head about _________ for days

Visit from _______ has you anxious

Start listening to your body and you intuition.

Two years ago.  I tried to have a discourse with a sister from my Tox-family, writing letters for about a year, trying to break through my inability to Speak on Topic >>> my injuries.

TLDR’d, DARVO’d, and Disowned Again.

Much of the art I have made deals with that year of letter exchange.

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This once would have had me in a STATE.

A state … it comes over you and then it drifts away…

It’s not all day, or many days, weeks, month…

You can regulate your state.

Everyone who CAN, already knows this.

Its ONLY for the ones who can not regulate their state that this is NEW information.

They’ve e been told, but they have all this entitlement, excuses, helplessness, and immaturity in the way of understanding something really BASIC.

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Media Senpai reminds: Who is this broadcast trying to reach?  

The Lost and Broken. Inner child-ren out there still crying.

Media Senpai inquires: What is your message?

I made it through. 

I found a path.

I took notes!

I am making the walkthrough.

If this finds you before August 20th, you are going to hate it… and it will hurt!