Friday’s child is loving and giving.

This one is really hard to square.

This is the strangest twist in shadow work.

When you realize (real eyes) that it wasn’t the 

monster inside of you, it was the saint.

All of the things I swore I would not be as a human are the traits my family possessed and used against me: lazy, greedy, prideful, jealous, manipulative, caustic, venomous…   indolent.

>>> I took a firm stance against Malingering.  In an instant.<<

These traits and behaviors CAN be healed, cured, trained out of habit. Instead of being less prideful, My Bully/Toxic Family justified their behavior; blame shift diversion, darvo, mind games, psychological torture.

At some point you either become helpless to it, (I went that route for a bit) or resistant to it.

What would THAT LOOK LIKE?…. being resistant to it?

To me it looked like collecting all the (ammunition) they PROJECTED. 

Then understanding what specifically they were trying to damage.

Example:  If they target my looks, they miss.  Upgraded thinking > I am neither vain nor superficial. People are allowed to have their own preferences and opinions, I neither have to correct them nor stop them.  Their projections are conspicuous and ugly.

If they are targeting my fashion, similar rebuttal as above and include:  Living in the reality of my budget >>>As most frugal people do. My only source of income is my VA Benefit, and I’m still trying to help others get on their feet. So yeah I go without a name brand. I have more important things to carry than the logo-ed elitism.

Bullet point, break them down.

The bully’s attack with what they value.

Their values are Not your values.  (hint: you are not a bully… that’s how you know.)

Deconstruct their tactics.

If I hold my ground they call in back up/recruit. Gang-shame.

If I recruit, they bribe/poison my friends against me. 

Round and round maneuver counter-move. 

I have seen this play out to some crazy extremes.  

How Low will they go?  How far will they take it?  

Learning to unhook the barbs they launch, you start clocking it quicker, Incoming just becomes the (name the troupe) and giggle because you are not ego-attached to anything shadow/shallow people target.

The last of these Barbed hooks were so hard to See, because the hook was inside of me… the appeal to be Good.  To be the “bigger person,” “to be tougher and take more,” “infinite patience” 

Being loving and caring is one of my Shadows.

Taken too far I over sacrificed.

My hopes, my dreams put away and stored in boxes

while I’m carrying and attending to other people.

I make the Other my priority to a fault. 

I am OVER accommodating. 

This is my ego, my hunger,  “What I would have given to have to be loved that way.”

I had hoped it would be reciprocated.

My fault….  For qualities I really like myself.

Another myth I had to break through recently, 

Not everyone who is broken wants repair. 

Not everyone who says they want to “turn their life around” actually means it.

All this trust.  All this confidence played against me. AGAIN.

So what’s the lesson here?

I am going to continue being Loving, It’s who I am

….  maybe not so giving anymore.