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Gonna let Robot Start Today:

[o.o] Shadow work is the practice of acknowledging and integrating the hidden parts of yourself—traits, emotions, and desires you’ve repressed because they felt unacceptable.

The shadow is that collection of disowned parts. It operates unconsciously and influences your behavior in ways you don’t realize.

In toxic family systems, the shadow gets twisted: instead of repressing “negative” traits, you’re forced to hide your brightness, happiness, and joy. Your family needs you diminished so they feel better about themselves. This creates the painful irony of having to keep your best parts hidden.

The work is learning to reclaim and celebrate what your family system taught you to suppress.

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Chim:  thanks Robot… summary is much easier.

Not Allowed To Have:

Shiny, Bright, Smart, Fun, Witty, Happy, Relaxed, at Peace, Comfortable, Confident, Enthusiastic, Optimistic, Hopeful, 

Those are just the feelings Inside of me.

The list longer with I’m Not allowed to achieve, or own.

The tox family’s conceit goes as far as how trying to control who I am allowed to have in my life.

I spent a long time mastering invisibility; 

Inconspicuous, low key, disinteresting, bland even;

camouflage, wallflower-ing, blending in with couch-pillows. 

Disappearing.

This is my most practiced survival instinct 

and has worked really well most of my life. 

Disapparating 

for as long as I could remember, 

little Houdini 

Cheshire Kitten.. 

https://youtu.be/yie3tTMFxBQ?si=iz2NFF8icp7k5PhR

It’s strange to me that my tox-family

dismissed how much space I put between us.  

How many times I eluded them or outran them.  

How many times I had already escaped.

Even in captivity they never HAD ME.

When my body broke or shut down… I still escaped.

I’ve been doing it my whole life.  

Shock and trauma send me into survival mode.

As a child raised in daily unhinged hostility,

it made sense to be functional during a crisis.

I’ve been training since Girls Scouts.

I was a Tree Climber. 

I was lighter (in weight) than tox-sisters 3yrs and 5yrs older.

I could navigate branches that would break under them.

[kidFlex: I could get home from elementary school 

without touching the dirt from the playground to my backyard.]

Watch Me!!

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Just realized these are hard to see/read. Still adjusting to resolution spec. Thank you for your patience.

Let’s see if this works!!