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I’m told I need to speak about my last break-up publicly.

>> Because “only one person has the microphone and he is doing everything he can to paint (me) as a villain.”

Of course, it’s in the playbook.  It’s the only game bullies know.

Blameshift, catastrophize, black and white thinking, absolutes, distortions, etc… 

All the ANTS come marching.

(Automatic Negative Thoughts)

“People need to hear your SIDE.”

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I was told BY HIM on a regular basis how I am not enough.

I had be told by HIMS (not just him, but the him before him

and before him wee wee wee all they way home.)  

I am not good enough.

I know it when I hear it.

Saying that or any of it’s variants such as:

I don’t have enough, I’m not doing enough, 

I am not pretty enough, sexy enough, flirty enough,

We don’t go out enough.

>>> I don’t have enough income.

THAT IS ALL THE INFORMATION I NEED.

I ONLY Need to hear it ONCE.

I understand the message Clearly.

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A single person’s VA benefits does not stretch 

far enough to fully carry TWO extra unemployed adults.

The load was too heavy for my carrying capacity.

Heard AND pretended it’s not true.

Or was confusing somehow (>>>> because the Covert or Inverted Narcissist will play THIS GAME TOO.

The infinite loop of perpetrator pretends to be victim of targeted person. DARVO)

(Pandemic price hikes were only real to the person shopping.. not the person living off of others.)

If I had “more money,” I don’t know about it, but he seems to think I was hiding something.

He has twice bullied his way into reviewing my account to see if I made errors. 

There were no errors.

Irony here is: Financial Abuse is what I came to seek therapy to Recover From.

Veterans Administration >>> Wounded warrior.

Healing from being financially manipulated I trusted the PITCH.

Trusted the framed diploma.

Trusted a particular skill set that could have helped toward Recovery.

Revealed as detrimental in retrospect.

After that I refused to show him, and he’d pout and threw tantrums for weeks.

This is MY account and he paid nothing into it. 

He had no rights to access and review my budget.

The firmer my stance, the worse his attitude.

AND >>>>>>By my therapy coaches and counselors metric this SEEN AS Evidence of my recovery!

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Simple Fact:

The cost of him outweighed the benefits.  

AND 

The benefits stopped existing. 

He stopped being loving.  

I stopped being in-love.

All in one breath as a continuous run on sentence: >>After 5 and a half years of carrying him, with his the daily “life sux” attitude, hypochondriac level physical issues he never sought treatment to resolve, constant complaining, emotional dysregulation, and flaking out on each job that came his way, because of his insecurities then he’d blame shift and project on the people who offered him the jobs,<< Inhale. Okay read on,

I am done.

I broke under the pressure.

DONE.

That 2nd hurricane kicked my ass.

I dropped everything that was not mine to carry >>> Last Year.

Then he starts making threats AGAIN about going back to his mommy, and I said YES again.

AH! I skipped a bit about supporting his job when he got one there towards the end. Driving van to breaking, next car to breaking…

And wouldn’t you know it…

I still believed he was trying to get life together SO much I signed a loan for a car for HIS job.

There was more to complain about after that.

He didn’t leave the first two times he had this particular homing instinct/tantrum.

Then in July 2025, he started it up again. 

Received a “yes please leave,” again.

Instead of cooling down, he left in a huff.          

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Finally.

I am grateful. I am relieved. 

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I do not want to carry anymore ADULTS.

I am not responsible for Other ADULTS.

 

In an interpersonal and environmental level I do not want to live with ANYONE who is disruptive to my life, my schedule, my goals, AND my peace.

And I don’t have to.

I don’t want to brace myself for whatever mood he’ll let take over his mind.

Because his MOOD and “need to talk about it” took over my entire day, sometimes the next day too.. and the day after that. 

[Get Professional Help!] [Stop Malingering.] 

I refuse to be held hostage by his emotional immaturity, entitlement, and coercion.

I refuse to play along with his mind games.

I moved into the enclosed front porch, slept on a make-shift cot, and have been living in my own little space for over a year.  

>>>> “Out in the cold” was my state last winter, while he slept in the master bedroom AND used the second bedroom as an office.  

He didn’t leave until mid-July, even though it was CLEAR for years he was dissatisfied and I was ‘not enough for him.’

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Here’s a messed up IRONY.

I was in PRRC ( a psychological recovery program) for 3 (of the 5+ years he was here) training on how to emotionally regulate.

[Seeking Professional Help <<<  that’s what it looks like btw, when you take your mental health seriously.]

I had escaped the 17 years of financial and emotional abuse from my ex husband.

I was HEALING

In real time in front of him.

>> Learning to find my voice and speak out about the abuse I have lived through. <<

The goal was to become an advocate,

and that starts with self advocacy.

Each step of resisting him and his control tactics (huge complaint for him) AND demonstratable Proof of my healing.

I was a leader amongst my peers.

I was recommended to train as a peer specialist. 

I was Chairman of the Mental Health Council until August 2024. 

You’d think a team of professionals working with me daily/ or bi-weekly for 5 years

might notice some … or ANY of the claims, or accusations he threw my way,

during the relationship and especially after the relationship ended.  

They didn’t.    >>> I am not what he claimed. 

I graduated from the program, and have been invited back to be a guest speaker to talk about my recovery story.

This is a big part of what my blog has been about. 

Practicing speaking/writing on difficult topics and issues,

while sharing all the artwork I have been generating.

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Now he is liking posts I made >>>  back in 2021, 2022, 2023, 2024… 

POSTS that he ignored, dismissed, or downplayed when we were a “couple.”

Now he is leaving praise in the comments.

Now he is calling, leaving text, wanting to come back…

….  to the woman he scorned and her insufficient income??  

Make that make sense.

The answer is NO.

No. I’ve had enough.

The second chance was in 2022, the third chance in 2023, fourth chance in 2024.  

No more chances.  

WE ARE DONE.

I hope this satisfies the curiosity and insistence that I should say something or take back anything that I said.

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