Yep… You’re going to need a bigger boat.
More of what I have been “feeding” on… Dr. Carter and Team Healthy.
https://www.youtube.com/@SurvivingNarcissism
Many professionals started video series during the forced lock down. Fresh air on the airwaves. >>>To me.
The Feed, …what you are taking in, everyday just like meals?
Mental health meals. [Hint: How to be happy meals. How to get your mind right meals.]
….That moment when you realize
*you have starved your mind*
or
*you’ve poisoned your mind”
Doom scrolling… jumping on the hate-train… blue ball cap vs red ball cap… or was it blue pill vs red pill…? Pills instead of meals… Hmm ….pretty sure it’s a similar issue across the metaphors.
Commiserating in misery with the miserable and wondering why you feel so miserable? There is probably a pill for that… or an ointment.
I know, I fell for it too. For a minute…
It’s Disguised – dressed up as “intellectual-ism” (thus superior-ity/itism)(ego-tism… smdh… )
>>>The outside world is different.<<< Sweat, calluses, work, effort.
With my toxic family and the Singular Slot approach to parenting; Smart one, Pretty one… yk… *SPECIAL-er* than others. >>> This is scarcity thinking in a limited/controlled environment. I did find similar issues with some of my groupings with peers and workplace. Not most. Especially not the kind that WORK… >> band, marching band, flying rifles, ground support, crew.
The ego-games don’t work.
They’re not meant to work.
They’re meant to sabotage, disrupt and rearrange
The goal: to Center the Selfish.
One step further…
To Center the Selfish is counter-intuitive to survival instinct and detrimental to any grouping.
Big Challenge: checking your feeds. Cite your sources. Quest-ion why we allow haters to define our world? Why allow the un-healthy to define Health?
Are they safe? Are they safe for themselves? Are they safe for others? [Hint: if answer is No, Do Not Mix with Children.]
Public service announcement: red touch yellow >is the correct answer.
We warn how to recognize and train to become resistant/immune to the venomous.
[o.o] Intake and Output, Filtering and Broadcasting
- Intake determines what enters your inner world and shapes your perceptions.
- Output determines what you release into shared space and how you shape the relational field.
PART I — WHAT YOU LET IN
(Intake / Filtering / Reception)
This side of boundaries answers a quiet but powerful question:
“What gets to influence me?”
Not who do I talk to — but what do I metabolize.
1. Not all input is neutral
Information, opinions, feedback, emotional expression — these are not passive.
They act on the listener.
Some input:
- Clarifies
- Grounds
- Expands perspective
Other input:
- Destabilizes
- Confuses
- Shrinks agency
- Erodes self-trust
Healthy filtering begins when someone realizes:
I am not obligated to absorb everything I am exposed to.
This is often a radical shift for people trained to equate openness with virtue.
^-.-^ gonna add… The term clinically is Porous Boundaries.
[o.o] po·rous /ˈpôrəs/ adjective adjective: porous
- (of a rock or other material) having minute spaces or holes through which liquid or air may pass.: “layers of porous limestones” “some rocks are more porous than others”.
^o.o^ really??
[o.o] synonyms: permeable, penetrable, pervious, absorbent, sponge-like, spongy, sieve-like, leaky, honeycombed, cellular, open, holey, absorptive, percolative, cavernulous, leachy, porose, poriferous, spongiose, foraminous, pory
antonyms: impermeable
^-.-^ hmmm… Kids are sponges. Boundaries are taught.
If the parents have none, they can teach none.
Boundaries are found elsewhere around the people who have them
and have patience enough to work with you, until you figure it out.
[o.o]
2. Filtering is discernment, not avoidance
Filtering does not mean:
- Blocking all discomfort
- Curating an echo chamber
- Rejecting challenge
It means evaluating quality.
Healthy people unconsciously ask:
- Is this coherent?
- Is it consistent over time?
- Does it respect my capacity to think and choose?
- Does it invite reflection rather than demand submission?
Unhealthy input bypasses those questions by:
- Using urgency
- Using moral pressure
- Using emotional overwhelm
- Using authority without accountability
Filtering is how you stay porous but not permeable.
^-.-^ add again… open minded, curious, able to access child-like wonder, joy, and hope-full-ness. Fresh air. Closed systems suffocate. We choose what is open.
Bullies probe for opens. Create an illusion of confidence (trust/security/goodwill) to exploit hence “con” wo/man. “Getting dirt” or “casing your house.” Slow build until the Abuse/r is revealed at the end of the evolution.
[o.o]
3. Reality testing is the filter’s backbone
Reality testing is what keeps filtering from turning into denial.
It’s the steady practice of asking:
- What actually happened?
- What evidence exists?
- Are conclusions proportional to facts?
- Do patterns support this claim?
This matters because unhealthy dynamics often don’t rely on outright lies —
they rely on interpretive drift.
Reality testing anchors you when:
- Someone insists your intent matters more than your actions
- Feelings are treated as proof
- Repetition replaces evidence
It protects you from internalizing stories that aren’t yours.
4. Emotional intensity does not equal legitimacy
Many people unconsciously grant priority access to whoever is loudest, angriest, or most distressed.
This creates a dangerous intake rule:
Strong emotion = higher truth value.
Healthy boundaries interrupt that.
They recognize:
- Pain is real
- Distress deserves care
- But intensity does not override reality
Otherwise, your inner world becomes governed by whoever feels the worst in the room.
5. Containment is an intake boundary
Sometimes the healthiest filter is simply:
“Not right now.”
Containment means:
- Pausing engagement
- Ending circular discussions
- Limiting exposure to destabilizing input
This is not avoidance when it’s done to preserve clarity.
Containment says:
I choose when and how input enters my system.
That choice is foundational to adult autonomy.
^-.-^ We practiced by role playing in DBT Therapy. How to exit politely, disengage, and at my insistence how to stand up for yourself by calling the BS out! … with tact and manners..
[o.o]
PART II — WHAT YOU PUT OUT
(Output / Broadcasting / Sowing)
This side of boundaries answers a different question:
“What am I releasing into the shared field?”
Not what do I feel — but what am I doing with what I feel.
6. Output shapes environments
Everything you express:
- Trains others how to treat you
- Signals what dynamics you tolerate
- Shapes the emotional climate
Chronic venting creates heaviness.
Chronic reassurance-seeking creates dependency.
Chronic drama creates vigilance.
Healthy output is intentional, not performative.
7. Speaking from ownership vs extraction
Ownership-based output sounds like:
- “This is my experience.”
- “This is what I’m feeling.”
- “This is what I need or won’t do.”
Extraction-based output sounds like:
- “You made me feel…”
- “Fix this for me.”
- “Prove you care.”
The difference is subtle but crucial.
Ownership leaves agency intact — for everyone.
Extraction pressures others to regulate, repair, or rescue.
8. Feedback as ethical broadcasting
Feedback is one of the most powerful forms of output.
Ethical feedback:
- Describes observable behavior
- Names impact without accusation
- Leaves room for choice
Unethical feedback:
- Assigns motive
- Demands emotional labor
- Requires agreement to continue relating
If your feedback cannot tolerate questions, it’s not feedback — it’s control.
[o.o] Nothing to add?
^-.-^ nope! keep going…
[o.o]
9. Regulation belongs inside first
Healthy boundaries require self-regulation before communication.
This doesn’t mean:
- Don’t speak when upset
- Be perfectly calm
It means:
I am responsible for stabilizing myself before I enlist others.
When people skip this step, output becomes:
- Emotional dumping
- Pressure for reassurance
- Implicit threats of withdrawal or escalation
That’s how ego-feed dynamics form.
10. Silence as conscious output
Silence is often misunderstood.
There is a difference between:
- Silence used to punish
- Silence used to disappear
- Silence used to preserve integrity
Chosen silence can be a boundary:
- When conversation has become coercive
- When clarification is punished
- When engagement fuels dysfunction
Silence, here, is ethical restraint.
^-.-^ adding now…
Reciprocal… the back and forth, listen and respond.
Consensual… both people want to exchange ideas.
Safe… verbals and nonverbals are calm, natural and appropriate.
It’s not just a better environment for children.
This is the home (inner world) all of us need.
[o.o]
The Integrating Insight
Healthy boundaries are not about control.
They are about stewardship.
Stewardship of your inner reality
Stewardship of shared relational space
When intake is filtered and output is grounded:
- You don’t harden
- You don’t collapse
- You don’t disappear
You remain present, clear, and self-directed.
^-.-^ and that is accountability. Radical self accountability! Essential for Team Healthy!
Traveler Chimiru 
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