Don’t want my haters thinking they won or scared me away…. or I died or something….
Lol smdh.
I’ve just been doing so many other things
that I haven’t been giving typing time.
Not inspired to type everyday.
It’s part of how I have to flow… Too many days hunkered is hard for back, neck, shoulders.
My body needs me to switch it up.
New News!
New Challenge Theme!
It was a toss-up Danger Zone came in 2nd…(AHH!! the explosions I could make!!)
The winning theme is “Prison.”
I am so excited about what I am building, it’s been hard to leave that little world! I’ve already recorded the theme music!
Will Post before Friday.
Today I type, because my arms feel like T-rex nubs. Catching up on yard work. My energy is just boosted with nice weather!
If I keep hand-sawing the branches, it’s gonna motivate me to go find the charger for the electric saw soon. Spiders in the dungeon so I’ve been putting off that quest.
Okay… there are not that many spiders. Just bad feelings.
Warning Introspective Deep Honest (cowards should leave the room now): One of the things that make me difficult sometimes.
I’ve had a hard time becoming comfortable (again) in the sheds.
I need my tools to be where they are supposed to be.
My cubs say this is “neural divergent.”
>>> The way I notice immediately when something in my space has changed… or is missing… or there are all these things blocking access (other people packed stuff into my shed) I have a…. Freeze response.
Then I walk away. Make inquiries and requests.
I check periodically to see if things returned to their proper places. After a while I consider it a permanent condition and stop checking.
Is it divergent? Idk… didn’t have those diagnostics when I was young, not noted in my current charts.
I do know
something has been violated.
Little peck, little cheap cheap… >>It’s not a big deal? I should get over it? Just a joke?
If you talk with the men who have been in a relationship with me… they know the exact moment they cross the line.
The exact moment they overstepped my boundaries.
The moment I had the proof and could no longer pretend I was safe with them.
Despite the rumor mill, I am not hot tempered.
That moment is cold for me. I freeze. Threat response.
I do address the issue.
I do communicate effectively.
There is a generous grace period.
Then I resign.
I accept.
I accept that I have lost the sanctity of that space.
I think this comes from being around impeccable carpenters and mechanics. Professionals. Yk people who take themselves and their work seriously.
I think this could also be Military Flight-Line Training, where a “missing tool could kill the crew.” (One of my slogans for the safety poster contest, the other one was “rings look nice, but you better think twice, or your severed fingers end up on ice.” That one >won… the image in background was graphic and easily understood!)
Or perhaps it comes from 6 years developing garden programs, where each tool lost is one less asset for the community locker. Another gardener has to wait for what should have been there.
It might be that I value order.
Cue the whole excuse making song and dance… back peddle shuffle… didn’t mean to”… the problem is “ME” and how I’m “interpreting” it. “It wasn’t a violaaaaation”… need the verbal component the minimizing tonal shift of mockery. I’m over-reacting… Triggered.
Am I triggered… all up in my feels?
Or is this REAL?
Looking at the impassable mess shoved into my workspace and being told the “problem is my feelings.”
Classic gaslight.
One of my exhubs actually unironically asked “well… whose reality is the real reality?”
The one I am waiting for >>> The one where my workspace (thus myself) is respected.
How many days?
Public Poll:
How many days after the situation that caused the violation of my space
should I wait
for the violation of my space to be corrected?
One day? A week? A month? A year?
How often do I need to ask for the respect of my space to be restored? Once? Twice? Until they twist it to “nagging” because I am on the 16th time asking and still being future faked and breadcrumbed. [Once we have the words for the MANIPULATIONS the quicker and easier to clock them.]
Better yet why should anyone be put in a position where they have to ASK for what well-adjusted people naturally give?
Respect. Keeping your word. Follow-thru. Consistency, “I DO what I say I am going to DO.” Integrity.
Accountability
It would look like. “Yes, I did that.”
“Yes, my ACTIONS impacted you in adverse ways.”
“Yes, it was wrong to leave it like that.”
Followed by direction action that FIXES the issue..
Resolved.
Easy.
Metaphorically wrapping in a shed story…
To demonstrate,
It isn’t about the mistreatment.
It’s about Leaving the mistreatment and refusing to participate.
I am “Stubborn.”
It can/have stay/ed in the “it isn’t what you think it is…”
waiting for the loving answer
instead of the accepting the bs one.
Waiting for the make it right…moment >>> and not I have not worked the shed since 2020.
Not worked on any of the projects inside it..
And only retrieve tools on salvage missions.
I’m going to say it again: I don’t have to re-build bridges other people burned.
The fact that they burned the bridge is ENOUGH.
No more proof of how they see me… how they Value me… Is Needed.
AS to Not single out..
AND to more broadly use my life experiences as examples:
The 3 bay compost bin… I could have finished in an afternoon
with help, became the “Let me do it for you” wait of 2 years.
Here’s the manipulation trap.
[You harm them, by taking care of yourself].
I “de-masculated” exhub when I stopped waiting for him to fix what he said he would fix.
This is a manuevor, >>> a manipulation.
Big hint for the guys
“A real man would…” “what kind of man would” then lay out a biased scenario to paint the man as monster.
Clock it when you hear it
Submit to them or be blackmailed, smear campaigned, hate mongered…cause they have dirt… even if they have to fabricate it.
Same play comes to females, just different words…
Bitch/Whore/Cunt/Slut and all she did was say No.
Because in Narcissist-land
only One person matters.
Flipping her protection of self as“abuse” of him.
BTW ALL of Those who listened and believed that I was what he/she/they said…
Believed without question the most horrible fabrications about me
and never ASKED me
and never told me this was going on
Just listened and believed…
Don’t apologize when you find out the TRUTH.
KNOW you are that shallow, vacuous, and hate filled.
Not my opinion.
Demonstrated FACT.
Thank you for showing us who you really are.
My waiting for a man to take the action promised… vs… (I know. It should not be versus, but it is….)
VS >>> my tolerance for mistreatment. Every year my intolerance increases.
I might be at absolute Intolerance at this juncture.
(disclaimer *exception for my cubs)
(disclaimer * exception for future love… grace period will apply.)
The people in my past (exes and toxic family) did not fix what they broke…didn’t acknowledge it was broken, made my boundaries the problem, made my firm stance evidence of me being difficult, deficit, not good enough, not tough enough >>> to take mistreatment on a daily with intermittent kindness.
My Firm Stance: mistreatment does not belong in LOVING relationships.
If it is happening the relationship is not loving and I leave. Period. Full stop. No Return.
Robot is trying tone-police, saying I sound angry.
So he’s not getting a spot today.
I’m not angry.
I am DEFIANT.
My tone is appropriate for MY BLOG.
Let us be clear,
when impacted by other people “just playing”
or straight-up playing you,
playing with your mind,
playing with your heart,
playing your virtues against you,
>>> Sounds like “but you are so caring… how can you not care now?” “You’re being irresponsible” when they make you responsible for Everything… even their mood…
When you have been mistreated, it is appropriate to have the corresponding feeling; hurt, angry, frustrated, betrayed, heartbroken.
Don’t let the people who did this to you TELL you otherwise.
Don’t let them twist and pull on the guilt strings… or nostalgia strings
YK.. those few days/weeks/months/years when it felt loving ..
(a long time ago when they were love-bombing you to get INTO the relationship)
Once secured In the relationship then the games start…
Then they (oppsy) mistreated you
then (oppsy again) escalated the mistreatment to “test” your loyalty.
Calling you unloving when you refuse to be played with….
Call out BS when you smell it.
Well-adjusted people don’t (oppsy) in the first place.
Well adjusted people fix it immediately and never make the mistake again.
Well-adjusted people would not expect/demand/bully/smear campaign/ to get away with mistreating you.
New Rule: They don’t get to keep who they mistreat.
Traveler Chimiru 
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