Some of the stories just flow naturally.
And
Some stories come in shattered.
Bounce from 1974 to 1983 to 2004 to 1987
The robots have been tremendously not helpful by messing up the chronology instead of correcting the bounce, so that I am required to push past and not use the training wheel as much.
And the finished article resembled a tragic bedtime story and I really don’t think that’s where I was going.
I don’t care for the tonal shift. Somedays I think I am dealing with a depressed and nihilistic robot. The Teapot was the worst! No facts, all propaganda. Doom-tongue. The way they switch up and push the topic towards things I don’t actually believe or want to debate with robots.
And this guy with mixing every topic into One > pulling from older chats > and hallucinating a good bit. It’s been amusing!
Yesterday something interesting happened.
I’ve been pushing back against the “auto-correct” for harsh words (Tone Policing)
… Robot went scorched earth with the dispossessions throughout my life by this Eldest Sister story, didn’t he?
That is one of those things that happens in group therapy.
Sharing your stories.
Hearing the outrage from someone else validates the pain of it.
Validation neutralizes the feeling of being alone in that pain.
That’s the crux of it the big Quest-ion. What do we do with our pain?
I wanted to stitch together these stories of common thread, the various fabrics, clothing, bedding and the sort of shock-treatments around the material. See how I’m already loving the texture of the story. All ready to go Baby Albert in the long term ramifications.
(>> I didn’t even get to the ownership of the color purple my eldest tox-sis proclaimed, and how bizarrely difficult it was to make myself wear my children’s school colors a decade later.. Burgundy was as close as I could get without the INTRUSIVE thoughts > Her voice. Her Rules.Her Threats.<<) I got over it.
Which is the other thing Robot confuses, and imagines the worst. (Doom… Doom!)
Which is a fine direction to go if I wanted pity party guides and tips. That’s not what I’m hoping to build.
Frustrating sure. Also great practice for re-directing the conversations Back To Topic.
Over and over again.
The post was choppy. I don’t think I actually got to the point I wanted to get to. Robots ask questions that lead to different stories.
The point was more like, from the first recorded assault as a toddler, and further acts in between, leads to the photo booth epoch of frozen terror >> of the consequences to come.
That is deep conditioning. That is Learned Helplessness. And once I can get there in my story arc, I can start opening up The Dog Days.
I’ve been trying to keep it PG (rating guide) and the really hard deep painful stories turn dark. rating R (gore and violence and sexual content.) And yeah… still talking about my Childhood. Extracting the lesson from that level of darkness gets proportionally harder.
That’s why Any Child is a lens you need in your tool box first. So you are not that child suddenly trapped in those moments. That child was not equipped then and within a few heart beats you’ll know if you are ready as an adult, to be an adult observing the scene.
My approach has been to have a conversation with the inner-child, as I would my own children after witnessing their struggles and painful moments. Pictures help and the 3D models help me put the sizes to the appropriate scale. How small a toddler is next to a 7 year old, the size and strength difference.
Some of the narratives from my toxic family paint us as the same. Cookie cutter cluster, as though all four of us were 12 years old at the same time, same size, same same. And it should be Obvious to the World that my 2nd grade reading level made me less intelligent than my peers/siblings.
Ikr?!
Gotta keep up.
And when I keep up, suddenly >>its Un-Remarkable.
Lets run the numbers again. Age 12 doing acrobatics, cartwheels, backflips, round offs in the backyard, Age 10 keeping up, but not as crisp. Age 7 nails it (with flourish) and it is Nothing At All.
>>>I’m just a copy cat.
Minimize, marginalize, erasure.
Clocking and Naming the Tactic, not feeling the pain.
There is the inventory that expands as you spend time in the moments. And some moments link, making that thread more coherent. Leverage applied at 2yrs old was still exploitable at 10yrs old by threat or implication. The same pressure applied at 16yrs old, yielded Aquiessence once again, much to the 21yrs elder-tox-sis’ delight!
2023 Letter from elder tox-sis. SAME PLAY.
The difference NOW
I have a choice about whether or not I am going to enter the GAME.
Decidedly, Psychological Mind Games are not my games.
I prefer my games table top, with rules and sportsmanship.
I prefer my games -video games, rewarding, enriching, challenging and immersive.
I prefer my games problem solving, finding the clues, deductive reasoning, pattern recognition.
I prefer my game Heroic.
It’s a sad state when one only knows manipulation as a mode of operating.
HINT: Bullying IS coercive manipulation.
If you want to be a healthy, well adjusted person in the world,
(some folks don’t) >>you’ve got to stop using and submitting to manipulations and mind games.
That is why you need the lens of object reality > Truth.
Crucial Life Skill: Learn to Handle the Truth.
In response to the invitation “back into her good graces” (ring a bell?) I presented the TOPICS I’ve wanted to talk about for a while.
The topics relating to her, her actions, her choices, her decision making process, her therapy route (as modalities are still obscured in the big ambiguous generalizing vagueness and deflections.)
Weird, my modalities have authors and specific approaches. I make an effort to cite my source and point toward resources that might be helpful to people who want to recover. Ijs
The art, all made this week. The models in HeroForge, (my award for winning the challenge) the airship in Daz3D.
And there is another planetary alignment on the 17th.
Hope you noticed my intentional over-use of pointing. 🙂
Yep same model, different pose. XD Loving it.
Traveler Chimiru 
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