Looks like I am re–visiting last year’s posts , after all!! Strangely cyclic, seasonal and such.
Sowing the seeds of DOUBT
Not grumpy.
Not pessimistic. That’s really low level low exposure.
Most people have moments.. maybe a few days…feeling out of sorts.
WE don’t live in that state.
This variety of misery can not be alone.
They are erosive and corrosive to all things good.
No idea will work. No effort worth it.
No one is good enough. Nothing is ever good enough.
Kindness rewarded with grumbling, criticism, and contrary-ism.
Every ache pain amplified all day.
The “news” on tv is the most urgent issue and fixation on arguing and denouncing. (10 minutes of Hate)
Miserable commiserating unending.
In a relationship with someone like this, (mother, father, sibling, partner, ex partner, neighbor, car pool, co-worker…etc.)
No other role or function or form, other than to sit in their misery.
I will never be in that relationship with anyone again.
What they sow >broadcast< all day everyday it’s not just a single seed variety [DOUBT} it’s a whole Seed Bank of Misery and Tool Shed of Cultivating Tools and Chemicals.
[O_O] Yes. And I think “seed bank” is the useful metaphor: not a single negative thought, but a stored repertoire of recurring patterns that get continually replanted until the surrounding environment starts producing them automatically.
I’d separate ordinary human suffering from sowed misery. Someone can be sad, frightened, angry, sick, disappointed, or pessimistic without making those states contagious obligations for everyone around them.
Here’s a much larger taxonomy.
The seed bank of sowed misery
Relentless negativism
- Nothing will work.
- That’s probably going to fail.
- What’s the point?
- It won’t make any difference.
- People don’t change.
- People can’t be trusted.
- Someone will ruin it.
- There’s always a catch.
- It’s never as good as it looks.
- Why bother trying?
- We already know how this ends.
- Everything is going downhill.
- Things used to be better.
- Things are only going to get worse.
Compulsive contradiction
- Whatever you propose, they supply the exception.
- Whatever solution you offer, they identify the flaw.
- Whatever possibility you mention, they produce the reason it isn’t possible.
- Agreement is followed by a yes, but…
- A compliment gets corrected.
- A success gets qualified.
- A hopeful observation gets counterweighted.
- The conversation cannot be permitted to resolve.
Hope erosion
- Excitement is met with skepticism.
- Anticipation is punctured before the event occurs.
- Plans are contaminated with imagined disasters.
- Possibilities are converted into risks.
- Dreams are treated as childish.
- Optimism is characterized as naïveté.
- Persistence is characterized as stupidity.
- Faith in someone is treated as evidence of poor judgment.
Grievance cultivation
- Old offenses are continually resurrected.
- Nothing is ever completely forgiven.
- Every interaction becomes evidence in an ongoing case.
- Someone else’s mistake becomes part of their permanent character.
- Neutral events are interpreted as slights.
- Apologies don’t close the matter.
- Resolution itself becomes suspicious.
- There must always be something to be angry about.
Criticism as atmosphere
- The food is wrong.
- The weather is wrong.
- The room is wrong.
- The show is stupid.
- The neighbor is inconsiderate.
- The waiter is incompetent.
- The news is infuriating.
- The government is ridiculous.
- The family is impossible.
- Friends are disappointing.
- Nothing meets the standard.
Catastrophizing
- Minor problems become impending disasters.
- A headache becomes a crisis.
- A delay becomes a catastrophe.
- An inconvenience becomes proof that everything is falling apart.
- A disagreement becomes betrayal.
- A mistake becomes ruin.
- An uncertainty becomes an inevitable bad outcome.
Misery amplification
- Every ache gets examined.
- Every discomfort gets announced.
- Every inconvenience gets narrated.
- Every bad interaction gets replayed.
- Every upsetting story gets consumed and discussed.
- Every negative news item becomes urgent.
- Every problem receives disproportionate attention.
Negative attention harvesting
- Searching for upsetting news.
- Watching inflammatory television and then arguing with it.
- Repeatedly checking things that provoke anger.
- Seeking confirmation that the world is terrible.
- Collecting examples of human stupidity.
- Keeping a mental scrapbook of grievances.
- Returning to upsetting subjects after everyone else has moved on.
Compulsive commiseration
- Misery must be shared.
- Someone else’s bad mood becomes an invitation to make it worse.
- Every conversation becomes a catalog of what’s wrong.
- Sympathy never reaches closure.
- Reassurance produces another problem.
- Listening becomes an obligation without an endpoint.
- The listener becomes the emotional disposal system.
Contraryism
- If you say up, they say down.
- If you like something, they explain why it’s bad.
- If you dislike something, they defend it.
- If you suggest going, they don’t want to go.
- If you suggest staying, they complain about staying.
- Agreement itself seems intolerable.
- Being right becomes more important than being connected.
Moving goalposts
- Nothing is ever good enough.
- Success merely establishes the next requirement.
- Gratitude is replaced by expectation.
- An effort becomes the new minimum.
- A gift creates an opportunity to identify what was missing.
- A solution creates three additional demands.
Joy sabotage
- Enthusiasm is mocked.
- Celebration is diminished.
- Good news receives a warning label.
- Someone else’s happiness becomes irritating.
- Playfulness is treated as frivolous.
- Wonder is replaced with analysis.
- Delight is interrupted by practical objections.
Agency depletion
- Don’t bother.
- You can’t change it.
- There’s no point.
- Why are you trying so hard?
- Let me explain why that won’t work.
- You shouldn’t expect anything.
- Wanting things only leads to disappointment.
And perhaps the deepest category:
Compulsive devouring of the ego
More broadly, the insatiable demand that the environment continually feed someone’s aggrieved, threatened, dissatisfied sense of self.
The relationship begins revolving around:
Their discomfort.
Their interpretation.
Their grievance.
Their injury.
Their standards.
Their fears.
Their demands.
Their disappointments.
Their need to be right.
Their need to be reassured.
And everybody else’s role gradually becomes regulatory.
Calm them.
Listen to them.
Agree with them.
Reassure them.
Accommodate them.
Anticipate them.
Prevent their displeasure.
Repair their mood.
Until the other person’s inner life becomes the cost of admission for having a relationship with them.
That’s where I think your phrase “hollow servitude” connects to the seed-bank metaphor.
The seeds aren’t simply sadness. They’re little instructions about how everyone else is supposed to orient themselves around the misery.
And there is an important distinction:
A person in pain needs somewhere to put their pain. A person who continually exports their pain can make everyone around them live inside it.
You don’t have to become the soil.
And you don’t have to sow those seeds yourself.
Some misery really does propagate socially. Not because emotions are magically contagious, but because repeated interpersonal patterns train attention, expectation, behavior, and the emotional climate of a household.
The counter-seed bank is almost the inverse:
curiosity, gratitude, humor, agency, repair, generosity, proportion, wonder, forgiveness, play, appreciation, experimentation, hope, and the willingness to say:
“This is hard—and something good can still happen.”
^-.-^ Long Chat so gonna deliver it in bite size pieces. You’re welcome.
The baddies or from Viva Pinata’s wiki fandom. It’s where you have to go if your really want All the unlockable achievements.
Traveler Chimiru 
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